BAO GIỜ CƯỚI THẾ CON?

Mỗi lần về nhà vào dịp Tết, những người ở độ tuổi 22-30 luôn có một nỗi sợ mang tên “chuyện cưới xin”, khi phải đối mặt với việc về quê ai ai cũng “hỏi thăm” hay nói đúng hơn là “giục giã”, “đốc thúc” lập gia đình. Theo lẽ thường tình, người thân luôn muốn những điều tốt đẹp nhất cho nhau. Vậy nên chắc hẳn, trong suy nghĩ nhiều người, cưới xin ở một khoảng tuổi nhất định là tốt và quan trọng. Tuy nhiên, liệu những điều đấy liệu có luôn đem lại sự tích cực?

Trước hết, người Việt Nam thường có quan niệm khắc sâu trong văn hoá về độ tuổi lập gia đình. Nếu quá độ tuổi này, người đó sẽ bị coi là “hội người già neo đơn”. Bởi vậy, những gia đình thời xưa không bao giờ để con cưới xin muộn do sợ bị hàng xóm chê bai, khinh thường. Đặc biệt là người con gái, gia đình lại càng đặt nặng việc cưới xin đúng tuổi do người Việt Nam coi việc “lấy chồng” không chỉ là thang đo đánh giá đơn thuần, mà đối với họ, đó là một mục tiêu bắt buộc phải đạt được của một người phụ nữ lý tưởng, bởi “thiên chức” “xây dựng và giữ gìn tổ ấm”.

Thêm vào đó, người Việt Nam nói riêng hay ở một số nước châu Á khác như Trung Quốc, Hàn Quốc đặt nặng gia đình và coi đó là điểm tựa của người phụ nữ. Niềm tin vào sự phụ thuộc của phụ nữ vào đàn ông để vượt qua các khó khăn trong cuộc sống cũng có thể là một phần nguyên do khiến cha mẹ mong con cái sớm có gia đình hơn. Điều này có thể thấy rõ trong câu nói nổi tiếng từ Nho giáo được người Việt xưa: “Tại gia tòng phụ, xuất giá tòng phu, phu tử tòng tử”. Rõ ràng, xã hội đã nhận thức được việc con người không nên chỉ được đánh giá một cách cứng nhắc dựa trên đặc điểm sinh học không do họ lựa chọn. Một quy chuẩn hay thiên chức bắt buộc với bất kì ai cũng đều ảnh hưởng tiêu cực đến sự hoà nhập xã hội và phát triển của con người

Bố mẹ luôn yêu quý con cái. Việc lo lắng, thúc ép cũng là muốn tốt cho con, vì để có người cùng gánh vác gia đình, cùng yêu thương trong suốt quãng đường còn lại, đỡ đần những gánh nặng. Hi vọng con cháu hạnh phúc luôn là đúng. Thế nhưng, nhiều khi việc thúc ép dựa trên niềm tin vào sự phụ thuộc của một giới vào giới còn lại thì không, bởi điều đó thậm chí là gốc rễ của những “ung nhọt xã hội”, bạo lực gia đình chẳng hạn. Khi niềm tin được củng cố lớn dần, sự chênh lệch vai vế, chênh lệch quyền lực xuất hiện, hơn nữa chọn vội lại càng dễ chọn sai. Khi bạn bị cả xã hội nghĩ là con gà thì dù có là đại bàng cũng không đủ tự tin mà vung cánh bay xa. Hậu quả là phụ nữ xây dựng cuộc sống quanh những người đàn ông và tạo cho đàn ông cảm giác “bề trên”, sự làm chủ tuyệt đối gia đình bao gồm cả việc sai vợ, đánh vợ…

Nếu yêu thương, hãy bày tỏ sự quan tâm đó bằng cách tôn trọng vào quyết định của con cháu và khả năng tạo ra hạnh phúc cho cuộc sống của mình, dù có là kết hôn muộn, dù có là độc thân. Ngày nay, ngày càng xuất hiện những người phụ nữ tự tin, sẵn sàng vượt qua những quy chuẩn để độc lập dành thời gian chăm sóc bản thân, phát triển sự nghiệp, hay để đi tìm người bạn đời đích thực chứ không phải chạy theo quy chuẩn để sống chung hết đời với một người sẽ chỉ làm khổ ta, đơn giản vì không hợp nhau. Quan trọng là, hãy tin tưởng. Nếu yêu thương, hãy đưa ra lời khuyên để họ tự tìm con đường đúng cho mình, đừng buông lời thúc ép để họ vội vội vàng vàng để vấp đá quàng dây.

#VOGE #Đámcưới #QuanđiểmVOGE

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