CÓ MỚI “NỚI” CŨ?

Tôi có một cô bạn, với một đam mê mãnh liệt giảng dạy về bình đẳng giới cho các bạn học sinh. Mới gần đây thôi, có một chuyện buồn cười khi cô bạn giảng dạy cho mấy bạn ở Hà Tĩnh. Tiết mục làm quen, có cô bé cũng hài hước vui vẻ, tự nhận mình dại trai, yêu màu hồng, thích nấu ăn. Cô bạn này thì cũng cá mè một lứa, 2 người nhanh chóng bắt sóng “Ồ cô cũng giống hệt em nè!”. Thế là cô bạn bị một bác phụ huynh (bác này nhận mình là một nhà nữ quyền) gắt, cái tội “vẽ đường cho hươu chạy”: “Chúng ta là phụ nữ hiện đại rồi, ai lại mỏng manh mềm mại yếu đuối phụ thuộc thế em, phải làm gương cho các cháu chứ”.

Chuyện này cũng không phải mới mẻ với nhân loại, nhưng thật kì lạ. May mà cô bạn không bị đuổi việc, mà có bị đuổi việc vẫn còn đỡ chán so với những vụ việc bạo lực, ẩu đả nhắm đến đối tượng những người “khớp khuôn”, rồi cả mâu thuẫn nữ quyền và Hoa hậu hoàn vũ. Nói một cách ngắn gọn là: Nữ tính xích mích nữ quyền.

Thực sự điều gì đang diễn ra vậy?

Để mà nói đến tính nữ mà người ta kì vọng thì có vô số đặc điểm: nữ công gia chánh, cầm kì thi họa, vân vân và mây mây. Nhìn chung, chúng cũng ít nhiều ảnh hưởng đến các khía cạnh cuộc sống người phụ nữ, vậy mới có các phong trào nữ quyền trong lịch sử, các cuộc biểu tình mạnh mẽ, mới có kỉ niệm ngày 8/3 và 20/10 hàng năm. Cùng với vô số các phong trào khác từ xưa đến nay, đem đến bước tiến bình đẳng giới mạnh mẽ.

Ban đầu, những làn sóng đấu tranh đó là những cuộc đấu tranh hết sức “trong sáng” nhằm đem đến tự do lựa chọn. Vậy nhưng, một số dần bị biến tấu. Đó không chỉ còn là đấu tranh để phá những định kiến mỏng manh yếu đuối cũ, mà đi xa đến mức bài trừ những cá thể “khớp khuôn” – những người thích làm nội trợ, ước mơ làm vợ hiền dâu đảm chẳng hạn.

Điểm mạnh của cách đấu tranh này là tạo ra làn sóng vô cùng mạnh mẽ đập tan những định kiến cũ, không chỉ về sức lan tỏa, mà cả về mặt cảm xúc. Thế nhưng, đó KHÔNG PHẢI nữ quyền. Có những cá thể hoàn toàn “khớp khuôn”, và họ hoàn toàn hạnh phúc với điều đó: họ vẫn thích việc nhà, vẫn muốn cưới chồng sống yên ổn ấm no. Đó chính là vấn đề của kiểu đấu tranh này: cái khuôn cũ biến mất lại “mọc” thêm một cái khuôn mới. 

Nói rằng họ có ý xấu cũng không phải, chỉ đơn giản là niềm tin của họ quá mạnh dẫn đến hành động mâu thuẫn với lý tưởng, cụ thể là “vì tự do lựa chọn” nhưng lại vô tình tạo ra một cái hộp mới. Và một lí do nữa, lí do dẫn đến chuyện sinh ra cái khuôn mới này, là những cuộc tranh cãi bất tận của hai phe, mà không nhận ra rằng khuôn nào cũng hại. Là hộp màu đen hay hộp màu trắng thì hộp vẫn sẽ kìm kẹp, sẽ khiến những cá thể bước ra khỏi chiếc hộp vướng phải phân biệt đối xử.

Nhiều người cho rằng họ ghét nữ quyền thậm tệ, khá dễ hiểu nếu “nữ quyền” họ thấy là sự bài trừ nữ tính. Định kiến không tự sinh ra, cũng không tự mất đi. Để nó không từ dạng này chuyển sang dạng khác, thì phải hết sức cẩn thận. Bạn phá một cái khuôn, đừng xây thêm 1 cái khuôn mới và bắt người khác ngồi vào đó. Nếu bạn tin vào tự do lựa chọn, tin rằng con gái không bắt buộc phải mềm yếu, thì hãy tin rằng con gái cũng chẳng bắt buộc phải mạnh mẽ, tự do lựa chọn mà!

Đấu tranh theo cách của bạn, nhưng đừng làm ảnh hưởng đến người khác. 

#VOGE

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