MẤT GÌ ĐÂY?

70% ca xâm hại tình dục nam không được báo cáo (theo tạp chí Telegraph).

Chỉ có 1,1 % các cuộc gọi tư vấn về xâm hại tình dục đến tổng đài 111 nạn nhân là nam giới.

Các lớp giáo dục giới tính hầu hết là con gái; rồi ngay cả phụ huynh, các ông bố bà mẹ nào có con gái mới quan tâm học hỏi, nhiều phụ huynh có con trai thì vẫn rung đùi khỏi lo chuyện bao đồng.

Dần dần, nạn nhân nam giới bị chìm vào quên lãng …. Nói đến chuyện bị xâm hại, hay chỉ đơn giản là nguy cơ, liệu chúng ta đã công bằng với tất cả nạn nhân?

1. Bất khả xâm phạm, hay khuôn mẫu mạnh mẽ?

“Đấng nam nhi” được kì vọng như những người với khả năng vô hạn: bất khả xâm phạm, không thể tổn thương. Nói nôm na: không có khả năng đó thì không phải “nam nhi”, kiểu như:
“Yếu đuối vậy bạn ơi” hay “Con trai mà bị xâm hại á”.

Đây là suy nghĩ mang tính “xã hội hóa nam giới” với ngụ ý những nạn nhân sẽ không bao giờ là “đàn ông thực thụ”, là kỳ vọng những người đàn ông phải biết bảo vệ chính mình. Những người đàn ông thành công luôn được khắc họa là: không bao giờ tổn thương, cả thể xác lẫn tinh thần. Hay nói cách khác, khuôn mẫu mạnh mẽ bảo rằng họ không thể là nạn nhân.

Việc nam giới bị xâm hại càng dễ bị phủ nhận khi người ta không chấp nhận việc một là con gái có khả năng tình dục mạnh mẽ áp đảo cả con trai, hai là nếu đó là quan hệ đồng tính thì lại càng ghê tởm.

Nhưng điều đó liệu thực sự đúng?

2. Đặc quyền, hay khuôn mẫu đực dục?

Từ lúc nào xâm hại tình dục nhiều khi người ta cho là “đặc quyền”: “Sướng thế còn làm màu”.

Lại một lần nữa, chẳng ai tin anh ta là nạn nhân. Hai chữ “làm màu” như một cách khẳng định rằng, anh ta tỏ vẻ yếu đuối để nhận sự thương hại, làm màu làm hình để nổi tiếng. Định kiến dục tính bảo rằng nếu anh đã là đàn ông, chắc hẳn anh phải có một ham muốn mãnh liệt, ham muốn thể xác cao hơn hẳn, khi đó “chịch” là một vinh hạnh lớn lao vì thế chả ai tin anh ta “bị xâm hại” mà đáng lẽ phải là “được xâm hại”. Nhìn chung, khó mà tin anh ta là nạn nhân.
Đã gọi là xâm hại, nghĩa là việc quan hệ đã vi phạm đồng thuận, hay nói cách khác là ANH TA KHÔNG ĐỒNG Ý.
“Được quan hệ sướng thế còn kêu” chẳng khác mấy nói rằng nếu bạn thích kem vị vani thì kem dâu kem chocolate hay vị gì bạn cũng thích, chẳng hợp lý tẹo nào nhỉ.

3. Con trai thì mất gì đây?

Đối với phụ huynh, bạn bè, hay những người ngoài cuộc, thì: “Con trai có gì để mà mất?”

Tại các khóa học giáo dục giới tính, có thể nhận thấy lớp học phần lớn là con gái. Nhiều phụ huynh có con trai ngồi “rung đùi” khỏe re, “Trẻ trai có vấn đề gì đâu, sờ soạng một chút mất gì đâu. Bởi “con trai làm gì có “cái ngàn vàng”, con trai chả mất gì, làm con trai thật sướng”, chữ “mất” thành ra chỉ quanh quẩn khái niệm “cái ngàn vàng”. Tâm lý đó xuất từ quan niệm nặng nề của phương đông về trinh tiết, về “cái ngàn vàng”. Trong suy nghĩ đó, chỉ con gái mới cần giữ mình, còn nam nhi có sao cũng nguyên vẹn.

4. Nói những chuyện này, rồi sao đây?

Khả năng tình dục không phải thang đo nam tính, không cứ phải càng chủ động, càng chiếm thế thượng phong, càng chịch nhiều thì càng nam tính. Mạnh mẽ cũng vậy, hai khuôn mẫu giống như việc bảo: “Cả thế giới thích kem, anh là một phần thế giới, thế thì anh cũng thích kem rồi”. Mỗi cây mỗi hoa mỗi nhà mỗi vẻ, sự vô lý của những khuôn mẫu nằm ở chỗ vơ đũa một nắm, và gán một sự bất biến. Ai cũng có thể là nạn nhân, và điều đó chẳng có gì khó tin hay bất thường.

Và, nói đến “mất”, chắc chắn không chỉ là xoay quanh chuyện trinh tiết. Đừng quên những dư chấn tâm lý, các vụ xâm hại khiến nạn nhân dễ gặp rối loạn hành vi: gây gổ quá mức, khó khăn học tập, lạm dụng rượu bia, ma túy… Nhiều nạn nhân khi trưởng thành có thể lại là người đi xâm hại tình dục. Một khi đã vướng phải sang chấn tâm lý thì hệ quả không có phân biệt bạn là XX hay XY.

Nói một cách ngắn gọn: Ai cũng có thể là nạn nhân, không có ngoại lệ. 
——————————————
#VOGE

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