AI LẠI ĐI CHẤP ĐÀN BÀ?

Trong một chương trình thảo luận tại Việt Nam, một nhân vật khá có ảnh hưởng đã nói đại ý rằng phẩm chất cao quý nhất của đàn ông là cao cả, bao dung, ngày xưa có chiến tranh thì cao cả là vì tổ quốc, bây giờ hết chiến tranh rồi thì cao cả là bao dung với người phụ nữ của mình, là nhường, là bao dung cho cô ấy. Hay nói theo kiểu dân gian, là không chấp đàn bà. Cách nghĩ này không hiếm gặp, ở khắp nơi, từ anh em cho đến chính chị em đều giương cao khẩu hiệu: Đàn ông ai lại đi chấp đàn bà. 

Không phải cô gái nào cũng cần nhường chiều nhịn nhẫn. 
Không phải chàng trai nào cũng không cần nhường chiều nhịn nhẫn. 
Việc bao dung với người mình yêu thương chẳng có gì sai, nhưng hãy thử tự hỏi việc có bao dung đó có phải chỉ vì giới tính của họ và bạn, chỉ vì niềm tin rằng giới tính đó sẽ có những kì vọng như vậy? 

Thực ra cách nghĩ bắt nguồn từ ý tốt, rằng cần phải thương lấy chị em, cần phải nhường nhịn chị em mới phải lẽ đời. Nhưng không biết đã có ai tự hỏi, vì sao thế lại là phải lẽ? 

Phải lẽ vì chị em mong manh yếu mềm, thua kém đàn ông, đàn ông vốn đã trên cơ nên không được phép đua tranh so kè? 
Tức là anh chị em nhìn rằng phụ nữ năng lực không bằng, lúc nào cũng chỉ xếp sau nam giới thôi? Hay là ai cũng có năng lực, ai cũng là con người, ai cũng nên cạnh tranh công bằng và tôn trọng đúng mực. 

Phải lẽ vì chị em khổ quá, anh em sướng lắm rồi so cái gì mà so?
Tức là anh chị em thấy rằng anh em không hề khổ, hay là cái khổ của anh em quá nhỏ so với chị em, nên cứ nhường chị em được đến đâu thì nhường, còn kệ chị em khổ vẫn cứ khổ? Hay là anh em cũng khổ mà anh em chưa thấy hết, là ai cũng nên chung sức cùng nhau “bình đẳng sướng” thay vì “khổ bình đẳng”.

Không chấp chị em là cao thượng, thế chị em không so đo với anh em thì là gì? Là tự lượng sức mình ư? Hay là thấu hiểu rằng mỗi người đều khác nhau, năng lực, môi trường, mọi thứ đều riêng biệt không thể so sánh. 
Không so đo với chị em là độ lượng, thế chị em so đo với anh em thì có là độ lượng? Hay sự so đo nào cũng đều là nhỏ nhen. 

Xuất phát từ định kiến rằng đàn ông bao dung sâu sắc còn đàn bà nhỏ nhen ích kỉ, lối suy nghĩ này không chỉ hạ thấp tiềm năng của phụ nữ mà còn tấn công mong muốn môi trường cạnh tranh lành mạnh và cởi mở giúp đỡ. Nếu để biểu lộ rằng chuyện gì đó không nên tính toán so đo, có thể nói là đừng nên so đo vì không ai giống ai cả, hoặc nhiều lí lẽ khác, việc lôi giới tính – một thứ không quyết định tính cách, suy nghĩ của toàn bộ những người mang giới tính đó – ra để biện minh, đo lường thể hiện rằng việc nhầm lẫn giữa giới tính và giới vẫn còn phổ biến. 

#VOGE
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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